The First Year Of Marriage

Charles Dickens describes the first year of marriage best when he writes the opening lines in the “Tale of Two Cities”:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us” – Charles Dickens

Oh wait; no, Dickens is actually talking about “cities” during the French Revolution… oops! And maybe, I’m being a little dramatic, but seriously, how did your first year of marriage go? I really don’t want to use the D word, but we all know that 50% of marriages end in the divorce. In the US alone, there is a divorce ever 13 seconds, and a study conducted by  University of Washington that states that 35% of newlyweds admitted to an affair within the first year of marriage. Yuck and Yikes! So, we already know marriage is hard; but research shows the first year is the hardest! ( I personally know two couples who got married last year and are now going through a divorce.)

For us, we did not get a honeymoon or a ‘honeymoon” period. As the wife of an entrepreneur, I was okay with passing on the honeymoon, but I was fulling expecting the “honeymoon period.” I think I watched too many Disney movies because I thought our life would be all song and dance happily-ever-after. I was shocked when it didn’t happen! In fact, after the wedding party ended, there was no skip in my step. Could there really be such a thing as wedding postpartum? Yes, the wedding blues.. it exists and I had it. Google it… it really is a thing that a lot of brides experience. Battling that was tough enough, but it was even more frustrating that my new husband wanted normalcy immediately. I kept hearing “Okay, baby, the wedding is over; let’s go back to the way things were.” I understood that the big party was done, but going back to the way things were… that was ridiculous!

Then there was us trying to figure out our new roles as man and wife. Yes, it seems easy enough for Tom to continue being the man, but he did have to learn the responsibilities of caring for and having a wife. Meanwhile, I had to learn what it meant and how to be a wife. We also had a couple unique stressors that were just for us–One, before the wedding, we decided that Tom should leave his very successful business in corporate broadcasting advertising to start his dream— building AutoJudo, LLC. This decision left us without concrete financial structure. Two, we allowed a camera crew to film us before the wedding — and then had no control over editing. This left us with fear regarding how we would be portrayed on national television.

And then suddenly, the year went by so quick– and we made it through our first year of marriage! Just like that… We found our path on this crazy journey called matrimony. Even through our triumphs and struggles, through accomplishments and disappointments; standing next to me, holding my hand was my soulmate, my best friend, my Prince Charming, my Mr. Right– my other half.  My husband truly completes me!  When I think back on this past amazing and frustrating year I only feel all the warm emotions– it’s almost so dreamlike– and I wonder why was this year so full of highs and lows?  Maybe it’s the whole square peg in a round hole thing. Or fitting the puzzle pieces together! Whatever it is, we all know it takes time to get “two hearts to beat as one”! But guys, we finally made it…. we found normalcy and I love this man more and more everyday! Happy Anniversary, honey!!

2 thoughts on “The First Year Of Marriage

  1. That’s beautiful Aki…good to keep loving, enjoying and looking forward to whatever comes next! We love you both so much!!

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